There are a number of events coming up in the Columbia, SC, area in October, recognized since 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. If you are aware of another event in our area or around the state, please contact us and let us know so we can list it:

Monthly support groups: ongoing - see the Naomi's Circle Events calendar for more information

Candlelighting service: October 9 - at the regular Naomi's Circle Support Group

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Sunday: October 12 or October 19, recognized by various churches around the Midlands. To invite your church to participate, see www.naomiscircle.org/PAIL-sunday.

Heart and Hands Forever Memorial Walk: A walk and memorial service for babies lost in pregnancy or infancy sponsored by Palmetto Baptist Hospital; October 19, 3:00 p.m. at Riverfront Park.

Four days and counting.

For some, it's a day on the calendar, a meal to plan, a card to get in the mail, flowers to buy, a phone call to make, a child to celebrate for making you a mom.

For others, the storm clouds begin to gather weeks in advance, an ominous reminder that it's coming.  Ominous because this day that celebrates family and motherhood for others holds acute pain and sadness for you.

Even five years out from the loss of my daughter, I have an uneasy relationship with Mother's Day.  But some years have been particularly excruciating.  Especially if you are walking through a recent loss, or a new diagnosis, you may feel like you just want to hunker down until the storm passes.  And you know what? 

That's okay.

Especially this year, take your time. If going out in public on Sunday makes you break out in a cold sweat, stay home. If being around your pregnant relative will make you break down in tears, send your regrets in advance. If having your family around you will be a comfort, gather them in. Be gentle with yourself. Leave the expectations behind. Communicate to family what you can and can't handle this year. 

If you are close to someone for whom Mother's Day holds an acute pain, please be gentle with them. Let them know you understand. That you are praying for them and standing with them. That they are welcome at your table or in your church, but not pressured to be there.  

You're not alone. There are so many of us who do the Mother's Day dance every every, trying to figure out exactly what steps we can take this year or if we want to sit it out altogether.

And more than that, God is with you.  The One whose love for you is stronger than that of a mother for her child (Isaiah 49:15). Who promises to be near us when we are brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).  Lean into him this Sunday and let Him carry you through it.  Monday will come, I promise, and you will be the stronger for it in the end.

Dear one who would like to skip Mother's Day, I am praying for you. There are no rules for how to spend the second Sunday of May when your heart is breaking. You are stronger than you think...but you don't need to prove it to anyone.  

And this Sunday, may you find peace in the midst of the storm.

"First Christmas" by Kristi Bothur

I hear that on the Earth below
This is a special season
With lights and songs and gifts and such,
And Jesus is the reason! 

In the place I would have lived 
Are strings of light that blink and shine,
But you should see the light up here
That glows from Jesus all the time!

In the place I would have lived 
Carols play, and special songs,
But you should hear the music that 
The angels sing here all day long!

In the place I would have lived, 
Gifts are giv’n on Christmas Day,
But you should feel the joy we feel
Because God’s gift is here to stay!

In the place I would have lived, 
Tears have flowed because I’m gone.
My family wishes I were there
To see and hear and feel it all.

But in this place where I now live, 
It’s Christmas all day, all year long,
And the sights and sounds I’d see with them
Are pure, unblemished by all wrong.

So on this day that would have been 
My first Christmas on the Earth,
Mama, Daddy, you need to know
I’m celebrating Jesus’ birth!

When you sing songs to worship Him, 
I’m singing with the angels, too.
I’m never closer than when we all
Praise Him for our life anew.

I know this life began for me 
Sooner than you thought it would.
I know your hearts are hurting now,
And you would change things if you could.

But in this place, where you’ll come, too, 
We’ll be together, forever.
And there will be no more good-byes
When we celebrate Christmas in heaven – together! 

By Kristi Bothur, mother of five (two on earth and three in heaven)