 I hear that on the Earth below
This is a special season With lights and songs and gifts and such, And Jesus is the reason! In the place I would have lived Are strings of light that blink and shine, But you should see the light up here That glows from Jesus all the time! In the place I would have lived Carols play, and special songs, But you should hear the music that The angels sing here all day long! In the place I would have lived, Gifts are giv’n on Christmas Day, But you should feel the joy we feel Because God’s gift is here to stay! In the place I would have lived, Tears have flowed because I’m gone. My family wishes I were there To see and hear and feel it all. But in this place where I now live, It’s Christmas all day, all year long, And the sights and sounds I’d see with them Are pure, unblemished by all wrong. So on this day that would have been My first Christmas on the Earth, Mama, Daddy, you need to know I’m celebrating Jesus’ birth! When you sing songs to worship Him, I’m singing with the angels, too. I’m never closer than when we all Praise Him for our life anew. I know this life began for me Sooner than you thought it would. I know your hearts are hurting now, And you would change things if you could. But in this place, where you’ll come, too, We’ll be together, forever. And there will be no more good-byes When we celebrate Christmas in heaven – together! By Kristi Bothur, mother of seven (two on earth and five in heaven)
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 There's just no getting around it. Christmas is hard when you are grieving, and even more so when the loved one you are grieving is a child. So much of the holiday seems focused on children and childhood - and then, of course, there is the fact that a baby is the central character of the whole season - even if it is Jesus. If someone close to you is a bereaved parent, what can you do to support them through the Christmas season? While everyone grieves differently, here are three things that are on the wish list of many bereaved parents this holiday season: 1. They want to be understood. They need to have the freedom to do Christmas the way that is best for them. To skip the parts that hurt a raw heart. To participate and not have people think that coming to the party means they have finally gotten over the loss of their baby. To have their friends and relatives realize how hard this time of year is when your baby is no longer with you. A simple acknowledgement of this, whether spoken or in a note, goes a long way. 2. They want to know their baby is not forgotten. And if they have named their baby, they want to hear their baby's name, or to see it in writing. You never realize how much you take names for granted until you have a child whose name has no reason to be said. "I'm thinking of you and remembering _____ this year" is a wonderful gift to a bereaved parent, as is a Christmas ornament or another kind of memorial to remember a baby born to Heaven. 3. They want to know their baby's life had a purpose. If your friend's experience helped you in any way to appreciate life in a new way, or to give to others, tell them. Give to a charity in the name of your friend's baby, or just tell them what their experience has meant to you. Let them know that God has used their baby to inspire something good in you. Don't be afraid to reach out to your friend this Christmas season. It will make a world of difference. If you are a bereaved parent, what is on your wish list? Christmas is just one week away. For some of you, it is one in a never-ending string of "firsts" this year. First hour without your baby. First day. First week. First summer. First fall. First Thanksgiving. First Christmas. Everything is raw this year, including this holiday. For others of you, it's more familiar territory. You've done Christmas without your baby at least once. It "should" be easier this year. But while the raw pain has scabbed over, the dull ache is still there, and sometimes the scab is bumped or even ripped off and it's like no time has passed at all. And suddenly Christmas is, again, a day and a season to get through so we can move on to regular life with fewer triggers for the grief. There are many websites out there with excellent advice on getting through the holidays. Allow me to share a few thoughts as well, as I approach my fifth Christmas since beginning the journey of pregnancy loss, of ways to make this Christmas special. Adjust your expectations. Maybe all you can do this year is get through it. Survive. That's okay. But maybe you can do a few things. If not the tree, a string of lights. If not the Christmas Eve service, playing Christmas instrumental music in your home. If not the outside decorations, a single candle. You don't have to figure out your new normal yet. Just do what you can, when you can. Do something in honor of your baby. Make an ornament. Buy a stocking. Donate to the Angel Tree or Toys for Tots, something for a child the age your baby would have been this year. Or donate to a ministry that is reaching out to other hurting parents. Let your baby's life inspire you, whether in creating something beautiful, or blessing the life of another child or another parent who has lost a child. Talk about your baby. If you can't do it with family or friends, find a place where you can. A support group. An online forum. In the comments below. In a journal or on a blog. With your spouse. With God. You're allowed to talk about your baby. Feel. Don't be afraid of your emotions. The best way through grief sometimes is to realize what you are feelings and to ride that wave all the way. Tears have a purpose in our healing. What's more, they are valuable to God. Reflect on the cross. It may seem strange at Christmas, but the baby in the manger would mean nothing without the cross of Calvary and the empty grave. Victory over death. If the image of a baby threatens your emotions and your heart, focus on the cross instead, and the gifts of peace and life that Jesus came to bring. I pray that this Christmas would be a special time for you, to reflect on your baby's life and the life, death, and resurrection of Christ. Have a blessed Christmas. What has helped you get through Christmas?The "first" anything following a loss can be excruciating. Christmas is no exception, especially with its built-in focus on pregnancy, birth, babies, and children. With that in mind, we want to once again share the following poem with you, written by Naomi's Circle founder Kristi Bothur. Our prayers are with all parents of babies in Heaven, especially those who are new to this journey. "First Christmas"
I hear that on the Earth below This is a special season With lights and songs and gifts and such, And Jesus is the reason! In the place I would have lived Are strings of light that blink and shine, But you should see the light up here That glows from Jesus all the time! In the place I would have lived Carols play, and special songs, But you should hear the music that The angels sing here all day long! In the place I would have lived, Gifts are giv’n on Christmas Day, But you should feel the joy we feel Because God’s gift is here to stay! In the place I would have lived, Tears have flowed because I’m gone. My family wishes I were there To see and hear and feel it all. But in this place where I now live, It’s Christmas all day, all year long, And the sights and sounds I’d see with them Are pure, unblemished by all wrong. So on this day that would have been My first Christmas on the Earth, Mama, Daddy, you need to know I’m celebrating Jesus’ birth! When you sing songs to worship Him, I’m singing with the angels, too. I’m never closer than when we all Praise Him for our life anew. I know this life began for me Sooner than you thought it would. I know your hearts are hurting now, And you would change things if you could. But in this place, where you’ll come, too, We’ll be together, forever. And there will be no more good-byes When we celebrate Christmas in heaven – together! By Kristi Bothur, mother of five (two on earth and three in heaven) I hear that on the Earth below
This is a special season With lights and songs and gifts and such, And Jesus is the reason! In the place I would have lived Are strings of light that blink and shine, But you should see the light up here That glows from Jesus all the time! In the place I would have lived Carols play, and special songs, But you should hear the music that The angels sing here all day long! In the place I would have lived, Gifts are giv’n on Christmas Day, But you should feel the joy we feel Because God’s gift is here to stay! In the place I would have lived, Tears have flowed because I’m gone. My family wishes I were there To see and hear and feel it all. But in this place where I now live, It’s Christmas all day, all year long, And the sights and sounds I’d see with them Are pure, unblemished by all wrong. So on this day that would have been My first Christmas on the Earth, Mama, Daddy, you need to know I’m celebrating Jesus’ birth! When you sing songs to worship Him, I’m singing with the angels, too. I’m never closer than when we all Praise Him for our life anew. I know that life began for me Sooner than you thought it would. I know your hearts are hurting now, And you would change things if you could. But in this place, where you’ll come, too, We’ll be together, forever. And there will be no more good-byes When we celebrate Christmas in heaven – together! By Kristi Bothur, mother of four (one on earth and three in heaven) |
Naomi's Circle News
Here you will find articles intended to help you in your journey. Some will be reviews of websites and books. Some will be devotionals, some general articles, and some will be guest bloggers. Feel free to comment and let us know if there is something you would like to see addressed here. Subscribe here!
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