When you want to skip Mother's Day

Four days and counting.

For some, it's a day on the calendar, a meal to plan, a card to get in the mail, flowers to buy, a phone call to make, a child to celebrate for making you a mom.

For others, the storm clouds begin to gather weeks in advance, an ominous reminder that it's coming.  Ominous because this day that celebrates family and motherhood for others holds acute pain and sadness for you.

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The woman who has struggled with and through infertility, 
whatever the result.

The single woman for whom the title of wife and mother seems 
tantalizingly out of reach.

The mom who has a child (whatever the age) in Heaven.

The child (whatever the age) who has a mom in Heaven.

The expectant mom journeying through a difficult pregnancy 
with an uncertain outcome.

The child whose memories of Mom are full of pain and regret

The mom whose children are far away, physically or relationally.

Even five years out from the loss of my daughter, I have an uneasy relationship with Mother's Day.  But some years have been particularly excruciating.  Especially if you are walking through a recent loss, or a new diagnosis, you may feel like you just want to hunker down until the storm passes.  And you know what? 

That's okay.

Especially this year, take your time. If going out in public on Sunday makes you break out in a cold sweat, stay home. If being around your pregnant relative will make you break down in tears, send your regrets in advance. If having your family around you will be a comfort, gather them in. Be gentle with yourself. Leave the expectations behind. Communicate to family what you can and can't handle this year. 

If you are close to someone for whom Mother's Day holds an acute pain, please be gentle with them. Let them know you understand. That you are praying for them and standing with them. That they are welcome at your table or in your church, but not pressured to be there.  

You're not alone. There are so many of us who do the Mother's Day dance every every, trying to figure out exactly what steps we can take this year or if we want to sit it out altogether.

And more than that, God is with you.  The One whose love for you is stronger than that of a mother for her child (Isaiah 49:15). Who promises to be near us when we are brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).  Lean into him this Sunday and let Him carry you through it.  Monday will come, I promise, and you will be the stronger for it in the end.

Dear one who would like to skip Mother's Day, I am praying for you. There are no rules for how to spend the second Sunday of May when your heart is breaking. You are stronger than you think...but you don't need to prove it to anyone.  

And this Sunday, may you find peace in the midst of the storm.