After a seemingly normal pregnancy and labour Beatrice Annabel Leaver was born on 10th September 2015 weighing 7lb 8oz. From that point things went crazy, she was not well, she had many tests but God's plan for her life was that 12 days later she would go to be with Jesus.
I write this because I want to say i'm ok. I want to say it's ok to be ok. I know not everyone who has been through loss is but no one seems to be saying that they are. I wanted someone to say it to me. I was worried I was in denial. There are multiple things that have put me in this place. I think of Beatrice all the time. Really all the time. Every little thing makes me think of her and thinking of her makes me happy. I love all the memories and want to talk about my baby girl. I feel full to overfilling with love that could have been hers but instead is shared.
I cry, too. I like to cry. I like to give a few minutes to Beatrice. To remember the closenessof God I felt when she was sick. I seek out small babies to have cuddles. To bring back some of those little memories of my time with my little Trixibel. I feel over whelmed with praise for God. I feel many of the things on your crazy list and still debate the how many children question but I wanted to say this in case it helps some one. It's ok to be ok.