I write this because I want to say i'm ok. I want to say it's ok to be ok. I know not everyone who has been through loss is but no one seems to be saying that they are. I wanted someone to say it to me. I was worried I was in denial. There are multiple things that have put me in this place. I think of Beatrice all the time. Really all the time. Every little thing makes me think of her and thinking of her makes me happy. I love all the memories and want to talk about my baby girl. I feel full to overfilling with love that could have been hers but instead is shared.
I cry, too. I like to cry. I like to give a few minutes to Beatrice. To remember the closenessof God I felt when she was sick. I seek out small babies to have cuddles. To bring back some of those little memories of my time with my little Trixibel. I feel over whelmed with praise for God. I feel many of the things on your crazy list and still debate the how many children question but I wanted to say this in case it helps some one. It's ok to be ok.